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| I'm not dead yet... |
| 11.20.05 (1:34 pm) [edit] |
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Hey sorry it's been forever since I wrote a entry... Things have been crazy. My job is draining all my energy to even sit here and type these things. I work nights now too... up til 7 a.m and it sucks. On to other things... This reallt great guy sent me a message on this web site I have a membership to. He wanted to meet, and told me I should take risks. So I went up to visit him. He is a great guy everything I could ever want in a guy really... only problem is he thinks I'm great, and how I'm the only girl to ever past all his tests with flying colors... but he cant decide between me and this other girl, Laura, who lives in Washington.... It sucks cause I really do like him and I've grown to really care about him. He also told me that how strong my feelings are scare him... I think I'm doomed in the fact of love... but oh well. Shit happenes, then you die, right?
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| hmm... |
| 10.06.05 (7:56 am) [edit] |
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hey sorry I havnt written in forever but things have been crazy.. I'm workin all the time, but atleast i'm getting good pay checks. I also met this really cool guy named Mike. he is great but i dunno how he feel for me, he did kiss me last night, and all that but it's never been brought up if we are dating or not. hmmm. i wish we were cause he lives close, and he doesnt care about what i look like. which is cool. I hope we can hang out today cause that would be great.. But anyways, yeah i've been soooo bored and work is killing me they keep giving me defferent shifts i wihs they would stick me on one and leave me there. But i wont complain just yet. ok well i guess that my up date.
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| I HATE THIS FUCKING BLOG SITE!!! |
| 09.26.05 (11:33 am) [edit] |
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I'M SOOOO PISSED. EVERY TIME I SIT HERE AND TYPE A LONG ASS BLOG IT DELETES IT. I'M SOO PISSED. I'LL JUST HAVE TO SUM IT ALL UP IN A FEW WORDS CAUSE I'M NOT SITTING HERE FOR ANOTHER HOUR.
I got a new job and I love it. but it is taking up all my time. All my friends hate me and my family hates me too, it's offical both sides of my family hates me... so yay everyone hates me. ok hope you all have a nice day
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| Today wasn't half bad... |
| 08.31.05 (2:35 pm) [edit] |
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Well today wasn't that bad... yesterday I got a call from the store I applied at, and i have a interview tomarrow. I'm exciting I need a job damn it.... I only had to watch my step sister for a few hours today so it wasn't that bad. I havn't talked to tom yet, but he works late sometimes so it's all good. I'm so glad I started talking to him. He is the best person ever. I dont' think he knows that tho. But atleast my days arn't so bad... YAY!! ok well I'll let you all know how the interview goes tomarrow. so til then later :D
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| I dont know what i should do... |
| 08.30.05 (7:19 am) [edit] |
ok well Sean and I are no longer Sean and I..... I didn't get too attached so it's not that bad... but it's still bad. I thought he was better then that....
When I told my friend Marques he was like there are other guys and then gave me his friend Tom's number... well Tom and I have been talking and I feel like I'm talking to myself.... I kid you not he LOVES everything I do and he has GREEN eyes... he is really funny too. but he is going to army.... :( his one friend Blue got on the phone with me the one night and was like asking me like a million questions and then out of the blue he was like are you single. I thought that was pretty cool that I finally found people that I have everything in common with. But Tom's friend also added in there that Tom talks about me a lot. I'm flattered and kinda glad that someone thinks about me that much... and to think Tom thought he would scare me away and I thought I'd scare him away. But it's cool. If you guys want me to keep you updated on him I will.
I'm also getting really pissed.... I ordered these gaged ear rings online and they were suppose to come in 7-14 days..... it's going on 21 days... i swear if i got scammed out of my money there will be hell to pay...
I also wanted to say thanks to all of you who have been reading my blog and commented... it means a lot to me.
ok well I think i'm done for now, so later
*my last breath*
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| What can I say... |
| 08.28.05 (11:53 am) [edit] |
ok well sean was all like i'm sorry last night, and he was like call me today.... his phone has been busy all day since like 11 am..... i'm getting really mad. i'm about to just call it quits... my day was really bad.. but i'll tell more about that later. just wanted to give you all a update on sean...
*What if I fall*
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| Why I'm never ever ever getting interrested in another guy |
| 08.27.05 (11:15 am) [edit] |
ok well sean is online right now... and he isn't talking.. why cause he would rather play some fucking game then talk to me. I wanted to call him and he was like no. I'm not stupid i've had enough guys act like this to know when something isn't right. I'm tired of guys walking all over me. just cause when i'm in a relationship i take it serious. i don't cheat or anything and guys take that as they can use me. I'm sooooo Fucking sick of this. i mean why can't i find one single nice guy. why do i get all the jerks.... i feel like locking myself in a room and never ever coming back out. no one would miss me anyway... sounds like a good idea.
*Caught here in a firery blaze*
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| bored... |
| 08.26.05 (8:32 pm) [edit] |
ok so i'm freaking bored i could scream!!!
well last night i was talking to my friend marques. he came the the conclusion after seeing my pic that i'm gothic... (i hate when people label me) so i was like am i not hip hop enough... well he got all pissy about it adn what not. I feel really bad now and all, but he took it as me being racist. I guess people get me all wrong all the time. oh well....
People need to comment damn it!! I take the time to write this stuff you could atleast let me know how stupid i am.... lol
Jay I know your gonna read this... you need to call me!!!!
ok well it's late night
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| My interresting B-day party. |
| 08.25.05 (5:14 am) [edit] |
well last night my mom's side of the family had a b-day party for me. It was interresting. They got me one of those little bag things from the dollar store, and i got molding clay and these pop up thingys. lol i also got a lint brush, and a little coolaid drink. lol plus a lot of empty boxes, and some boxes with candy.. but my cake was pretty. Sean was on yesterday for like 20 min.... well according to him his computer is still broken.. must be pretty serious if it's taking 6 days.... hmmmmm whatever. But last night I had a interresting conversation with my ex Bill. He told me he misses the things we use to do like talking on the phone all night. and he continued to say that if he wasn't in NJ he would want to date me agian.... well whatever . He is really cool and all but I don't know. I still care about him but there is no point in chasing him. besides I want to see what happens with sean.
I'm sooo bored right now.. i'm going crazy!! ok well thats the latest for me. Later
*Cry alone, I've gone away*
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| I don't know what to make it today... |
| 08.24.05 (4:33 am) [edit] |
ok well last night i wrote a long pretty good blog in my opinion... but then this site went gay... and it didn't post. And i was quite mad so i didn't write it again. But anyways... today should be eventful.. I hope it is.
Sean hasn't called me or emailed me or anything. I'm starting to wonder. He went to a 3 day party in Friday and I havn't heard from him since. I don't know if he is just busy or if he is just not gonna have anything to do with me again. Like most guys i meet.
Tonight my mom's side of the family is suppose to have a b-day party for me. I just hope it turns out better then the one my dad's side had for me....
I also havn't talk to Jay in quite some time. I just feel like no one really wants to talk to me anymore.... but abyways..
Yesterday I went to a amusement park with my mom step dad step sister and half sister... it was ok except i had to ride most of the rides alone.... as usual. ok well i guess that it for now.
*I wanna be there when you call*
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| What an exciting picnic..... |
| 08.21.05 (2:32 pm) [edit] |
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ok well let me just say going to a cookout/picnic of people you do no know and are not related too is interresting. Yeah I went with my sister to SC and I did not know that part of the vacation pacage included a cook out with her dad's family... we have different dads.... so yeah I just basicly sat around. I must say I'm a kid person. This little boy Alex was there and he hung out with me and my sister. He is the coolest little boy.. he like rock music.. I let him listen to Papa Roach's song Getting Away With Murder and he was singing. It was soooo cute and he was bouncing to the music too. He is like 2 so that will give you an idea of how freaking cute he was. But yeah today was not so drama filled and exciting as i wish it was... lol cause then i'd have something better to write about. But yeah i'm gonna call it a night...
*I think it's time for change, don't you?*
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| Sleeping in the SAME bed as my sis.... |
| 08.21.05 (6:03 am) [edit] |
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Well let me just say if anyone was watching it would of been entertaining. My sister i swear I had to sleep with her for 2 whole nights... She talks in her sleep, and she likes to stick her butt out.... lol i wanted to cry I didn't get to sleep til about 1:30 last night and even so she would wake me up by breathing on my neck... does anyone know how scary that is to be woken up by someone being right there. About 3 times I almost went phsyco on her.. that wouldn't of been good. But anyways. I miss sean, he is suppose to call me today.. I hope he does. You know he didn't know that friday was my birthday.. kinda funny huh? but he is soo funny you can't stay mad for long. I havn't talked to my friend for so long.... yes that would be 2 whole days going on 3 that i didn't talk to Jay... i feel deprived. lol ok well i'll most likely be updating on today later on tonight. so til then..
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| I'M LEGAL!! |
| 08.20.05 (3:02 pm) [edit] |
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Well yesterday I became legal, yes I am now 18!! I can now go kill someone in Iraq, Vote, smoke, even go in a bar.... but I can not drink... GAY!!! But hey now I can get that tattoo I wanted. I had someone ask me for a pic of it.. I will post a pic of it on me when i get it. It's a butterfly of sorts but not your average butterfly, you can see when I get it what exactly i mean. Well I had fun in SC. Except that I did recieve a few prank calls from my stupid ex's friends.... like I can't tell it's them.. some people are so immature. but anyways. Sean called me a few times I feel kinda bad cause he wasn't using a calling card or anything, and well now I guess his phone bill will be sky high and I mean SKY HIGH! I'm kinda mad that I didn't go to this cool little gift shop sooner... the coolest surfer dude worked there. He wasn't ashamed to admit he likes *NSYNC... Thats kinda funny but cool. The Beach was soooo amazing, and the water was really warm. My sister almost go ate by a shark!! **YIKES** lol everyone else was running out of the water and there she is with her Aunt floating the opposite direction from the shore... lol whatever. We were so close to the pier too... but you had to pay a dollar to freaking walk on it... see thats why so many people in america have weight issuses.. you have to PAY to walk... gay but whatever. It was cool tho. And I think I'm the only smart one who didn't get sunburnt... hahaha. ok well that pretty much sums up my week. Oh yeah i'm stuck in West Virgina.... woo hoo, someone please stop this great time i'm having here in Nitro..... Right. anyways i'll most likely post again tomarrow.
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| Things are looking up |
| 08.11.05 (8:22 am) [edit] |
Well last night i was up talking to this guy sean for like 4 hours on the phone. It was so great. I never knew you could have that much in common with someone. He really gets me, and well I really get him.... We've been talking for about a week now, and well I'm starting to really like him. Like alot. He picked a song for us, and it's so sweet. For those of you who know Trapt, he said that the song Stories, reminds him of me.. thats soo sweet. I never had a guy say that about me before. I'm so happy but it's almost too good to be true. He lives in England but his dad lives here so he is here every summer. And I should be going to England in Jan or Feb. That will be cool. But anyways in other news. Tomarrow i'm leaving for SC so I won't be posting until the 20th or the 21st. So i'll catch ya all later.
YAY!! I'M HAPPY!!!!
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| Poem~Please Remember Me |
| 08.08.05 (7:06 pm) [edit] |
Remember the good things.
Remember how my eyes looked when I was happy.
Remember my smile when it was real.
Remember my favorite things.
Remember how I held you close.
Remember how I kissed you.
Remember how I loved you.
Don't remember the bad things.
Don't remember my eyes with cold lonely tears.
Don't remember my fake smile, I used to cover it up.
Don't remember what I hated.
Don't remember how I pushed you away.
Don't remember how I didn't kiss you.
Don't remember how I forgot you.
Please remember the good times,
and not the bad.
I won't be coming back.
so Please remember me.
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| another boring night |
| 08.06.05 (7:25 pm) [edit] |
god i swear i couldn't get to be anymore of a loser... For one thing my fucking family god they make me soo mad. my stupid drunk uncle came to my b-day drunk and talked about everyone else, and then played the poor me... my wife and kids are leaving me... well maybe if he didnt try to choke his own daughter they might stay with him. my brother who also was my best friend has replaced me with this new girl, who also happens to be a skank.... i swear if she hurts him i'll kill her. my grandma still thinks i'm a usless peice if shit. and my pap is still confused as hell....
i swear my little sister has better luck in the whole relationship thing then i do.. i always get the stupid assholes who just do what they want, and just treat me like shit, and her first boyfriend is like gold....
i feel like just falling off the face of the earth... not like anyone would really care. i mean people might at first... but they would all forget me.... god i just wish i could get a life worth fighting for... i mean really how much more of a loser can someone be before they go crazy......
i was talking with my one friend and he told me i should post old high school notes my friend linda and i passed... they are kinda funny... nothing beats high school drama... ok well i'm done for tonight...
*I'm melting in your eyes*
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| Quiz results!!! |
| 08.06.05 (7:09 pm) [edit] |
Here are a few I took....
| How You Life Your Life | 
You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside.
You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think.
You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly.
You have one big dream in your life, and you never lose sight of it. |
The Keys to Your Heart
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You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart. |
In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. |
You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. |
You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. |
Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. |
Your risk of cheating is low. Even if you're tempted, you'd try hard not to do it. |
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. |
In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered. |
| You Are 10% Weird | 
You're totally, completely normal.
And that's pretty darn weird! |
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| I think I'm going crazy |
| 08.05.05 (6:44 pm) [edit] |
well last night was soo evnetful... i talked to my ex bill..... and well all he told me was how i was a loser and i needed to do something with my lame life... i feel the love. I havn't really talked to anyone on the phone lately... i guess i need alone time. my ex brought up some shit about my childhood... pisses me off. Just when i start to forget it, it always comes back. It's shit man. I found a picture of the tattoo I want... now all i need is the money.. today i was thinking about my life tho and well i've come to the idea that nothing is suppose to work for me. Heres why in a list...
1.) I date this guy who is cool and so great... he joins the navy. I get a better cell phone company so we can talk, so now i pay like 200 dollars a month..... then he cheats on me.
2.) I find people who care about me, and I start to get happy.... then they die.
3.) I have friends... I listen to their problems... but mine are not so important. (not talking about Jay, the only person i know who will listen)
4.) My mom moves me and my bro and sis around to 4 schools. only to in the end have me not finish completely.
5.) I love everyone is my family, but my needs and feelings mean nothing.
yeah i thought about all those and well i guess i do have a sucky life....
Oh yeah i'll get some poems up here tomarrow sometime.
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| I Found It!! |
| 08.04.05 (7:48 pm) [edit] |
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I found the picsture of the tattoo I want... my search is over.... YAY!! I swear I never looked for anything so hard before in my life. It's like the ass crack of dawn, and I'm up.... bored as usual. I just talked to my friend Bill... I'm really worried about him. I mean he had a lot happen in the last year. And my sister is watching the stupidest movie... wow exciting... ok well I'm gonna get going...
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| Just Another Day |
| 08.04.05 (11:05 am) [edit] |
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Well today was not anymore exciting then my last few. I really do not have much to say right now.... I dunno maybe later I will. Oh yeah my birthday is coming up!! YAY!! I'm gonna have so much fun, I can't wait. Oh yes and I hate waiting for people to call me back.... Ryan..... not mentioning any names.... ok well thats about it for now. Maybe tomarrow will be more interresting... maybe I'll post a poem of mine....
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